Toddler Adoption 101

If I were to sum up adopting a toddler in one sentence, it would be this: It is rewarding, but it's not always a box of chocolates. Toddler adoption is very common. About 50% of adopting families end up adopting toddlers for a variety of reasons. Some believe that the imaginative and autonomous nature of a toddler is something they wouldn't want to miss witnessing. Others do sign up for younger infants but due to delays (especially in the case of international adoptions setups), the child grows up to be a toddler by the time he or she actually gets adopted. 

Parents who wish to adopt toddlers have a lot of options. They can choose to adopt domestically or internationally. Among domestic and international adoptions, you can choose between private and public adoption agencies. The prices differ dramatically between public and private agencies. In the case of domestic adoption agencies for example, the public state-supported ones cost up to as much as $2500 only while those which are private can reach as high as $30000! It is really your prerogative on what type of toddler adoption option you will make use of, for as long as you can afford it and you are ready for the requirements of the agency. Adoption classes are required in domestic adoption options, but even if they aren't required in international adoptions, you might find it beneficial to subscribe to one. You may need to give out as much as 30 hours for adoption classes before you will be granted the right to adopt a child. In the case of international adoptions, you may need to prepare for more than just a payment to the agency because some will require you to stay in the country where you adopted the child for as long as one to three weeks. 

You will definitely need a huge dose of patience and and background on your toddler before adopting him or her. The main characteristic of toddlers is that they exhibit severe particularity to their autonomy and for testing their boundaries. You will find the adoption experience more pleasurable if you are able to condition the child prior to your full adoption. You can do this by sending in your pictures to your child months before you come to take him home. Also, it will help you if you visit the child frequently before you take the plunge and bring him home permanently.

Despite your most effective conditioning techniques, you might find the transition phase in adopting a toddler extra difficult. You can expect to be severely tested, especially if the child you adopted has a very scarred past. This is something you need to take into account. You must know as much about the child as possible prior to adopting him or her. Talk to his or her caregivers frequently, and while you are the new parents, don't deprive the child of the right to keep in touch with her friends in the adoption home. It is also good to hook up with other parents of adopted toddlers so that you can trade unique experiences together. Having affiliations will help you deal with the transition phase more effectively.   

Many parents who've adopted toddlers who were severely abused, got too attached with their caregivers or underwent a traumatic experience found that their expectations of warm hugs and tiny welcoming hands weren't exactly met. More hostility, months of compromising and enduring fits of anger and temper tantrums shocked them. But this is actually how toddlers are prone to act especially when they are still trying to get used to the new environment. 

As a potential parent for an adopted toddler, you will need to have lots of patience and time to build attachment and a relationship with the child. It may actually require you to take a leave from work and devote the time fully as parent to this toddler. You will also need to adjust a lot yourself, and be physically fit enough to meet the demands of this new endeavor. Whether toddlers will adjust easily or not, they are quite a bundle of energy to handle and tame, so you must be able to have the endurance and stamina to keep yourself strong and firm to establish not just attachment but also authority. 

Adoption - Looking for Effective Adoption Facilitators

How to Effectively Look for an Effective Adoption Facilitator

If you are looking forward to adopting a child, an infant or an orphan from abroad, you must first seek to get assistance from experts or a professional adoption facilitator. You can actually opt to directly hire lawyers and coordinate with adoption agencies from your country and the country where the child would be adopted from, but peers must have advised you to get help from adoption facilitators to reduce stress.

Adoption is a tedious process. International adoption will be more stressful and exhilarating. You must have no other choice but to adopt from abroad because the number of children for adoption in your country, especially if you are from the United States or other developed nations, is fast declining. So jump start the adoption process by hiring professional adoption facilitators. Here are some tips that will help you get to business with good ones.

1. Make sure the adoption facilitator is reputable. You can do this by conducting some simple research about the agency. Adoption facilitators are usually private agencies that treat the process as a pure business transaction. You will be asked to pay for some fees and other charges like phone bills, documentation payments and special miscellaneous fees. Compare and shop to determine an agency that isn't focused just on making money.

2. When you are personally asking for services to be rendered, ask if you will have to cover for basic expenses like phone bills, hotel accommodations of personnel to the host country and the like. You might be surprised that your bill payable to the adoption facilitator might be quite hefty.

3. Ask for significant credentials from the facilitator. The firm must be accredited and recognized by the state and the national government. Also ask about its connections to the country where the child will be adopted from.

4. Adoption facilitators that lie aren't trustworthy. Don't entrust the procedure to them. For example, a firm might boast that all the 500 adoption processes it took were all successful. That is an obvious lie, you know. Find another in that instance.

5. Ask opinions from other experts. In medicine, you usually ask for a second opinion regarding your illness. Do the same in offshore adoption and see if the facilitator is reliable and trustworthy.

Moreover, any adoption facilitator will only be effective if you are cooperative and patient. You'll soon realize that international adoption is a dual-sided process.

Easy-to-follow Adoption Steps For a Successful Adoption

Adoption is a process that requires time, patience, effort and commitment. Serious applicants who have always wanted a child or an addition to their family need to follow certain adoption steps before they can finally say that the child is legally part of their family.

Here are the basic steps that an adopting family should undertake:

1. Adopting families should conduct some initial research about the process of adoption. This will help them become familiar and have a deeper understanding of the process prior to the actual adoption process.

2. Choose an adoption agency. Adopting families are advised to seek professional help and guidance from an adoption agency. Look for several options and choose the agency that meets your expectations. Check if the agency of your choice is licensed and enlisted on the state’s adoption service list.

3. Participate and complete the home study. A home study is beneficial and crucial at the same time, for it helps in determining an adopting family’s potential in receiving a positive review and recommendation from the adoption agency.

4. Search for the child you’ve been wanting. This is done after completion of the home study. The adoption agency can help you select a child from their care or you can ask them to search further through other agencies.

If you have selected a child from a different agency, you may want to ask for information about the child from a case worker. You should, however, give your own information for the placing agency to help you with process.

5. If you have been selected as a qualifying adopting family, confidential information will be given to you through the child’s case worker. The court will determine if you are truly qualified once the biological parents’ parental rights have been terminated.

6. Meet the child and get acquainted. This is important for both parties especially when adopting an older child. Get to know the child personally even if it's just a brief visit.

If visits are permitted by the child’s adoption agency, you will be given an arrangement to meet with him/her legally as the adoption process is underway.

7. Prepare for placement and finalization of the child’s adoption. When the child is ready to live with your family, this is called a placement. The adoption agency’s representative will assist and support you during the first few months of placement. During this period you can file a petition for a legal intent to adopt.

When the adoption process is in its final stage, a court hearing will take place and a judge will finalize the adoption process and, as part of the adoption steps, an amended certificate of birth will be issued.

Adoption Lawyers

Tips on Choosing Adoption Lawyers

Many people are afraid of contracting the services of a lawyer because they anticipate exorbitant fees. However, many don't realize that having a good attorney will prevent legal headaches in the future. If you are planning either a domestic or international adoption, you need a lawyer that will smoothly guide you and your family through this legal process.

Below are some tips that will help you select an adoption lawyer that will fit your needs:
Do your research

The first thing a person or couple planning to adopt a baby should do is to read books and other materials regarding adoption. This will prevent you from being preyed or tricked by unscrupulous individuals.

Doing research will also help you determine whether to choose lawyers specializing in adoption or just a general practitioner. The legal demands for domestic and international adoption vary, so you need to know what type of lawyer will best suit your needs. For instance, lawyers aren't requisite in adopting in China, so you can probably contract the services of a general lawyer just to help through the process without problems. In domestic adoption, however, you might need an adoption lawyer because the adoption process in many states is sometimes stringent.

It is also better to ask your adoption agency if they are going to provide you with a lawyer. Some agencies include lawyer fees so you may not need to get your own lawyer for the processing of the documents and appearance before a judge.

Prepare a set of questions

Soldiers come prepared when they go to war. The same is true when you set a meeting or appointment with a prospective adoption lawyer. You need to be prepared. You need to make a list of things that you want the lawyer to answer.

If you don't want to set up a meeting with the lawyer right away, you can probably call the lawyer's office and talk to his or her secretary or staff. More often that not, they will be willing to answer most of your questions about their boss and their office.

Recommendations and referrals are vital

One of the best ways to reach a good adoption lawyer is through recommendations. Ask your friends, officemates and family if they know of anybody who could help you with your dilemma. It would also be best to interview or call the person who had an experience with the lawyer that they recommended. This is a good way to determine if the work ethics of the recommended adoption lawyer fits your specifications.

Follow the tips above and you will surely find an adoption lawyer that will help you with your adoption plans.

Are you even eligible to adopt a child?

7 Ways to Make Yourself Eligible for Adopting

The choice of adopting a child is a very difficult and life-changing decision to make, but the problems don’t end there. Just because you think and feel you’re ready for adoption doesn’t mean that the adoption agencies and the birth parents of the child you’re planning to adopt will agree. If you want to adopt a child, you have to make sure you’re eligible to do so.

7 Ways to Make Yourself Eligible for Adopting

If you really want to adopt a child, you should be willing to make various adjustments to increase your eligibility as an adopting parent.

Financial Capability – While you certainly don’t have to be rich to become an adopting parent, you do have to prove to an adoption agency, the birth parents, and the courts that you have the financial means of raising a child in a fairly comfortable life. Among other things, that means giving him a roof over his head, food and clothing, and providing for his educational and social needs. Adopting a child means having an extra mouth to feed, an extra person to put to school and raise….your heart might be ready for that, but are your pockets ready as well?

Emotional Capability – Is your heart truly ready to welcome another child in your home? Sometimes, people have difficulties connecting with another child if they’re not directly related by blood. Will you be able to overlook that? If you’re going to adopt a baby, do you have the patience to wake up every night to feed him and change his diapers? Will you be able to love him just as if he was your flesh and blood child? Are you prepared to give him the caring, support, love, and guidance he needs?

Age – Many adoption agencies feel that individuals who aren't between the ages of twenty-five and forty aren't in the appropriate stage of life to raise a child. If you’re younger, you might want to wait for a few more years before you try adopting since it will ultimately benefit your future child anyway. If you are older than 40, you still have the chance to adopt a child but you’ll definitely be subjected to stricter requirements.

Time – One excellent way of manifesting your love for any person is by giving him the time he needs to spend with you. And for cases of adoption, you have to prove to everyone concerned that you are willing and able to give your adopted child the time he will need from you as a parent. If you’re a busy career-oriented individual, you might have to cut back on your work load if you’re really serious with your adoption plans.

Other agencies might actually go as far as asking you or your spouse to take a six month leave from work to ease the adjustment process for your child. Are you willing to do that?

Marriage – Many adoption agencies, whether they admit it or not, are biased towards married couples. They prefer to award adoption rights to married couples rather than individuals who are single or simply cohabiting with another person.

If you and your partner aren't married but you truly desire to adopt, you definitely need to have heart-to-heart talk and try determining whether an adoption will make you ready for the next big step for your relationship. Of course, it’s not good at all if you’re going to marry just so you can adopt. If you need a good reason for adopting, you also need a good reason for marrying.

Gender – Another bias that many adoption agencies are guilty of is their preference for straight individuals or couples. Two states – Florida and Utah – have specific restrictions against allowing lesbian or gay couples from adopting a child. If you are homosexual, you still have a chance of adopting a child in other areas but you really have to prove that you’re capable of raising a child properly in spite of your alternative lifestyle.

Race – Obviously, you can’t change your race, but you can choose the race of your adopted child. If you’re intent on adopting a child of a different race, you need to prove to concerned parties that you can raise him properly and without any racial discrimination.

Consider these factors carefully and determine what changes you should perform in order to make yourself more eligible as an adopting parent.

Why do you want to adopt?

8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child

Contrary to popular opinion, adopting isn't always the right decision to make. Certain situations can make the choice of adopting the wrong one, and if you truly care about the child you’re planning to adopt – make sure you’ve the right reasons for adopting a child.

8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child

It’s easy to identify the right reasons for adopting a child. If you and your partner have a genuine desire for raising a child with the capacity of loving him as if he was your own, then yes, of course you should go ahead with your decision. But the wrong reasons for adopting a child are something people find it harder to determine simply because they also find it hard to accept that they’re adopting for the wrong reasons.

Adoption is a Fad – Just because the likes of Angelina Jolie (who started the fad), Madonna, and even Sharon Stone are doing it doesn’t mean you have to do the same just so you can be fashionable. Regardless of the kind of lifestyle you can afford to give your adopted child, adopting him for such a shallow reason will still end up hurting and pushing him away. You’re adopting a child, not an object!

Adoption is a Safety Net for Your Marriage – Your marriage is breaking apart, and you feel that adopting a child will keep you together. Your insecurities might make you feel that way, but listen to your logic and conscience. Adopting a child to keep your marriage from breaking isn't practical because it’s not the root of your problem. Secondly, adopting a child for such reasons isn’t fair to the child since you’re using him rather than loving him the way he deserves to be.

Adoption Will Prevent You from Feeling Lonely – This is wrong. Loneliness is a state that you brought upon yourself, and adopting a child, at most, can only make it go away temporarily. And when it returns, your loneliness could have a negative effect on your adopted child.

Adoption is the Solution to Your Ticking Biological Clock – You’re in your mid-thirties and you’re still single. You’re scared that you’re going to die alone and if you postpone things much more, you might be unable to have a child at all. You want to adopt a child because you feel you can’t give birth to one naturally. While this isn’t technically wrong, are you really sure you’re ready for the rigors of parenthood? It’s not a life of bed of roses, definitely!

Adoption Will Give You a Heir – This isn’t bad as a secondary reason, but it won’t do at all as a primary reason. Seeing your adopted child as a heir and not as your son might make you treat him more like an apprentice. You could end up being too strict without meaning to, and that’s once more unfair to your adopted child.

Adoption is All about What You Want – If you are married, make sure that your partner is amenable to your plans for adoption because if he or she isn’t, that could complicate things and prevent you from giving your adopted child the life he deserves.

Adoption Allows You to Have a Beautiful Looking Child – If you adopt an older child, you’ll have an idea if he or she’s going to grow up good-looking. Looks are, however, never a good basis for adoption because your adopted child doesn’t deserve to have his value solely based on his looks. Learning the truth behind his adoption might make him feel confused about his value as a person later on.

Adoption Will Replace the Child You’ve Lost – This is very wrong because you might end up comparing your adopted child with the child you’ve lost. He might grow up lacking confidence, having lived in the shadow of your deceased child all his life. In this situation, it’s better to grieve as much you want, accept reality then adopt a child only when you have moved on completely and are ready to make a brand new start in your life.

Adoption isn't an easy process for you, but you should be aware that it’s a more difficult process for the person being adopted since he or she doesn’t yet have the necessary maturity to cope with the life he was born with. Think long and hard about your plans so that you won’t end up hurting anyone.