Why do you want to adopt?

8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child

Contrary to popular opinion, adopting isn't always the right decision to make. Certain situations can make the choice of adopting the wrong one, and if you truly care about the child you’re planning to adopt – make sure you’ve the right reasons for adopting a child.

8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child

It’s easy to identify the right reasons for adopting a child. If you and your partner have a genuine desire for raising a child with the capacity of loving him as if he was your own, then yes, of course you should go ahead with your decision. But the wrong reasons for adopting a child are something people find it harder to determine simply because they also find it hard to accept that they’re adopting for the wrong reasons.

Adoption is a Fad – Just because the likes of Angelina Jolie (who started the fad), Madonna, and even Sharon Stone are doing it doesn’t mean you have to do the same just so you can be fashionable. Regardless of the kind of lifestyle you can afford to give your adopted child, adopting him for such a shallow reason will still end up hurting and pushing him away. You’re adopting a child, not an object!

Adoption is a Safety Net for Your Marriage – Your marriage is breaking apart, and you feel that adopting a child will keep you together. Your insecurities might make you feel that way, but listen to your logic and conscience. Adopting a child to keep your marriage from breaking isn't practical because it’s not the root of your problem. Secondly, adopting a child for such reasons isn’t fair to the child since you’re using him rather than loving him the way he deserves to be.

Adoption Will Prevent You from Feeling Lonely – This is wrong. Loneliness is a state that you brought upon yourself, and adopting a child, at most, can only make it go away temporarily. And when it returns, your loneliness could have a negative effect on your adopted child.

Adoption is the Solution to Your Ticking Biological Clock – You’re in your mid-thirties and you’re still single. You’re scared that you’re going to die alone and if you postpone things much more, you might be unable to have a child at all. You want to adopt a child because you feel you can’t give birth to one naturally. While this isn’t technically wrong, are you really sure you’re ready for the rigors of parenthood? It’s not a life of bed of roses, definitely!

Adoption Will Give You a Heir – This isn’t bad as a secondary reason, but it won’t do at all as a primary reason. Seeing your adopted child as a heir and not as your son might make you treat him more like an apprentice. You could end up being too strict without meaning to, and that’s once more unfair to your adopted child.

Adoption is All about What You Want – If you are married, make sure that your partner is amenable to your plans for adoption because if he or she isn’t, that could complicate things and prevent you from giving your adopted child the life he deserves.

Adoption Allows You to Have a Beautiful Looking Child – If you adopt an older child, you’ll have an idea if he or she’s going to grow up good-looking. Looks are, however, never a good basis for adoption because your adopted child doesn’t deserve to have his value solely based on his looks. Learning the truth behind his adoption might make him feel confused about his value as a person later on.

Adoption Will Replace the Child You’ve Lost – This is very wrong because you might end up comparing your adopted child with the child you’ve lost. He might grow up lacking confidence, having lived in the shadow of your deceased child all his life. In this situation, it’s better to grieve as much you want, accept reality then adopt a child only when you have moved on completely and are ready to make a brand new start in your life.

Adoption isn't an easy process for you, but you should be aware that it’s a more difficult process for the person being adopted since he or she doesn’t yet have the necessary maturity to cope with the life he was born with. Think long and hard about your plans so that you won’t end up hurting anyone.