Children are truly a source of happiness in the home. But for some families or couples who don't have children, the best option is to adopt a child to complete the family they've always wanted. However, there are adoption legalities that families or couples should take into consideration before finally deciding to adopt.
Adopting parents or families should first consider the responsibility that involves in caring for a child. For families with existing child/children, they should involve everyone in the family in terms of responsibility, acceptance of the new member of their family and the environment that they will create and offer to the adopted child.
Application for legally adopting a child is the first step. The court will then decide if the adopting parents will be granted this request for adoption. The court will base its decision if the biological parents have given up their rights to their child or if these rights have been terminated by the court.
Once the court has terminated the rights of the biological parents and no further claims have been given, the adopting parents can now finalize their application process. The judge in charge of the hearing will deliberate the case as part of the finalization process.
The current status of the adopting family/parents will be deliberated during the court hearing as part of the finalization process. Home studies, reports and recommendations from case workers are also very important during this stage of the process.
The child and his/her case worker, the adopting parents/family and their attorney, the biological parents and their attorney and case worker, and the adopting parents’/family’s case worker are the key persons who should be present during the finalization of the adoption process. The judge can ask either or all of the key persons during the hearing to help him in his final decision.
Once the decision is final and the adoption is approved, the judge will then issue an Adoption Decree. The child’s name can be legally changed and he/she will be issued an amended certificate of birth that will bear the last name of the adopting parents.
All pertinent documents including the original certificate of birth will be sealed as per law. These sealed documents will be kept by the state for record keeping and all parties are off limits to it.
One need not be rich and famous to adopt, but you need to be prepared and can afford to support the needs of the child. There is no perfect family or parents; but a loving, nurturing and caring home are the most important factors on top of the requirements of adoption legalities.
Adoption Lawyers
Tips on Choosing Adoption Lawyers
Many people are afraid of contracting the services of a lawyer because they anticipate exorbitant fees. However, many don't realize that having a good attorney will prevent legal headaches in the future. If you are planning either a domestic or international adoption, you need a lawyer that will smoothly guide you and your family through this legal process.
Below are some tips that will help you select an adoption lawyer that will fit your needs:
Do your research
The first thing a person or couple planning to adopt a baby should do is to read books and other materials regarding adoption. This will prevent you from being preyed or tricked by unscrupulous individuals.
Doing research will also help you determine whether to choose lawyers specializing in adoption or just a general practitioner. The legal demands for domestic and international adoption vary, so you need to know what type of lawyer will best suit your needs. For instance, lawyers aren't requisite in adopting in China, so you can probably contract the services of a general lawyer just to help through the process without problems. In domestic adoption, however, you might need an adoption lawyer because the adoption process in many states is sometimes stringent.
It is also better to ask your adoption agency if they are going to provide you with a lawyer. Some agencies include lawyer fees so you may not need to get your own lawyer for the processing of the documents and appearance before a judge.
Prepare a set of questions
Soldiers come prepared when they go to war. The same is true when you set a meeting or appointment with a prospective adoption lawyer. You need to be prepared. You need to make a list of things that you want the lawyer to answer.
If you don't want to set up a meeting with the lawyer right away, you can probably call the lawyer's office and talk to his or her secretary or staff. More often that not, they will be willing to answer most of your questions about their boss and their office.
Recommendations and referrals are vital
One of the best ways to reach a good adoption lawyer is through recommendations. Ask your friends, officemates and family if they know of anybody who could help you with your dilemma. It would also be best to interview or call the person who had an experience with the lawyer that they recommended. This is a good way to determine if the work ethics of the recommended adoption lawyer fits your specifications.
Follow the tips above and you will surely find an adoption lawyer that will help you with your adoption plans.
Many people are afraid of contracting the services of a lawyer because they anticipate exorbitant fees. However, many don't realize that having a good attorney will prevent legal headaches in the future. If you are planning either a domestic or international adoption, you need a lawyer that will smoothly guide you and your family through this legal process.
Below are some tips that will help you select an adoption lawyer that will fit your needs:
Do your research
The first thing a person or couple planning to adopt a baby should do is to read books and other materials regarding adoption. This will prevent you from being preyed or tricked by unscrupulous individuals.
Doing research will also help you determine whether to choose lawyers specializing in adoption or just a general practitioner. The legal demands for domestic and international adoption vary, so you need to know what type of lawyer will best suit your needs. For instance, lawyers aren't requisite in adopting in China, so you can probably contract the services of a general lawyer just to help through the process without problems. In domestic adoption, however, you might need an adoption lawyer because the adoption process in many states is sometimes stringent.
It is also better to ask your adoption agency if they are going to provide you with a lawyer. Some agencies include lawyer fees so you may not need to get your own lawyer for the processing of the documents and appearance before a judge.
Prepare a set of questions
Soldiers come prepared when they go to war. The same is true when you set a meeting or appointment with a prospective adoption lawyer. You need to be prepared. You need to make a list of things that you want the lawyer to answer.
If you don't want to set up a meeting with the lawyer right away, you can probably call the lawyer's office and talk to his or her secretary or staff. More often that not, they will be willing to answer most of your questions about their boss and their office.
Recommendations and referrals are vital
One of the best ways to reach a good adoption lawyer is through recommendations. Ask your friends, officemates and family if they know of anybody who could help you with your dilemma. It would also be best to interview or call the person who had an experience with the lawyer that they recommended. This is a good way to determine if the work ethics of the recommended adoption lawyer fits your specifications.
Follow the tips above and you will surely find an adoption lawyer that will help you with your adoption plans.
Guide to adoption laws
Common Adoption Laws That You Should Know
There are many things you need to consider before adopting a baby. You can't just swap a baby in a coffee shop or choose a child from a glass window and bring him or her home like a puppy in a pet a shop. Adoption is often a long process and there are quite a number of laws to consider.
Don't think of adoption laws as hurdles in your attempt to give a baby a decent home and family. These laws are in place to protect the child, the birth parents or legal guardians, and also you and your family. Adoption laws are designed to ensure that everybody's rights are respected and protected. If you don't follow the adoption rules, you might end up in jail for kidnapping, no matter how pure your intentions may be.
Here are the common adoption laws you need to know:
Adoption laws differ from one state to another. What may be permitted in the state of California may not be allowed in North Carolina. However, there are certain adoption laws that are common in most states.
Eligibility to adopt
Before, only couples that had been married for a number of years were allowed to adopt a child. Nowadays, however, even a single person can be qualified to adopt a baby. A step mom or dad is also eligible to adopt a child.
Although some states allow minors to adopt a baby (but only in special situations), majority of the states require prospective parents to be in their age of maturity. In fact, about two states require possible adoptive parents to be at least 25 years old.
Persons who have the right to put a child up for adoption
If the birth parents of the baby are alive, they are the ones who have the right to put their baby up for adoption. However, if the birth parents are dead or they have already relinquished their rights over the child, then the legal guardians or organizations (for instance, the Department of Social Services) have the right to place the child up for adoption.
Consent
The parents or legal guardians of the child and the adopting party or parties should enter a written agreement concerning the right over the child. In the agreement, the birth parents or legal guardians should transfer all rights concerning the baby to the adoptive parents. It is important to note that this consent should either be carried out in front of a judge or notarized.
There are many things you need to consider before adopting a baby. You can't just swap a baby in a coffee shop or choose a child from a glass window and bring him or her home like a puppy in a pet a shop. Adoption is often a long process and there are quite a number of laws to consider.
Don't think of adoption laws as hurdles in your attempt to give a baby a decent home and family. These laws are in place to protect the child, the birth parents or legal guardians, and also you and your family. Adoption laws are designed to ensure that everybody's rights are respected and protected. If you don't follow the adoption rules, you might end up in jail for kidnapping, no matter how pure your intentions may be.
Here are the common adoption laws you need to know:
Adoption laws differ from one state to another. What may be permitted in the state of California may not be allowed in North Carolina. However, there are certain adoption laws that are common in most states.
Eligibility to adopt
Before, only couples that had been married for a number of years were allowed to adopt a child. Nowadays, however, even a single person can be qualified to adopt a baby. A step mom or dad is also eligible to adopt a child.
Although some states allow minors to adopt a baby (but only in special situations), majority of the states require prospective parents to be in their age of maturity. In fact, about two states require possible adoptive parents to be at least 25 years old.
Persons who have the right to put a child up for adoption
If the birth parents of the baby are alive, they are the ones who have the right to put their baby up for adoption. However, if the birth parents are dead or they have already relinquished their rights over the child, then the legal guardians or organizations (for instance, the Department of Social Services) have the right to place the child up for adoption.
Consent
The parents or legal guardians of the child and the adopting party or parties should enter a written agreement concerning the right over the child. In the agreement, the birth parents or legal guardians should transfer all rights concerning the baby to the adoptive parents. It is important to note that this consent should either be carried out in front of a judge or notarized.
Where and how to begin the adoption process
Taking the Right Path to Adoption
Choosing to adopt a child is just the beginning of a life changing but infinitely rewarding journey. The process of adoption may not take as much money and effort as you think, depending on the agency you’ve contacted and your preferences, but it’s definitely going to require you to wait for a good amount of time before the adoption process can be finalized.
Steps to Taking the Right Path to Adoption
If you and your partner have done enough soul searching and both of you are convinced that you are ready to adopt a child, here’s what you should do next.
Step 1 Choose Preferred Method of Adoption
There are basically three ways for adopting a child. One is to contact a public adoption agency. As this is funded by the government, you need not pay too much for the rights and means to adopt a child. Of course, this means a longer waiting period due to its affordability.
Another way for you to adopt a child is by transacting with a private adoption agency. Be prepared to pay at least $8,000 for their services and whether you’re adopting locally or from an agency based abroad. Of course, those expensive fees also guarantee a shorter waiting period.
The last way for you to adopt is by independent means. Contacts can help you find couples who are interested in surrendering their child for adoption, and if you reach an amicable agreement, you might only have to pay for legal expenses and nothing else for the chance to adopt a child.
Step 2 Creating a Profile of Your Future Adoptive Child
Whether you’re working with a public or private adoption agency, you will have to submit an application form that will help the agency determine not only your eligibility as an adoptive parent but determine which children matches your preferences as well.
Thus, now’s a good time as any to start thinking about the ideal child to adopt; you might think that you’re capable of loving just about any child as long as there’s a “connection” but you have to be practical as well.
Think of characteristics that will make a child easier for you to adopt and learn to love and care for. Age is an important factor. Adoption agencies are willing to expedite the process if you’re willing to adopt a child over seven years of age, but are you sure you have the financial, mental, emotional, and even physical capabilities of taking care of a fully grown child?
How about gender? Do you feel easier relating to a little boy or girl? What about race? Are you okay adopting a child of different race? And what about sibling groups? Are you willing to adopt siblings to preserve their bond?
Step 3 Taking Care of Requirements
Be prepared to submit documentary proof of your citizenship, occupation, income, and other qualifications, depending on the adoption procedures of your chosen agency.
In most cases, you will have to pass the pre-placement inquiry or home study. This is a test that will evaluate the atmosphere you and your family have at home. You and possibly other members of your family will participate in a succession of interviews, one of which is sure to be held at your very own home.
Be ready to submit at least three character references. These people should be willing to be interviewed regarding their relationship with you. Naturally, choose someone who knows you well, understands your motivations for adopting, and recognizes what makes you ideal as an adoptive parent.
Step 4 Practicing Patience
Depending on the standard operating procedures of your adoption agency and whatever unique conditions your situation contains, you might have to wait at least half a year before you can see the end of the rainbow and finally look forward to bringing your adopted child home. Once you’ve paid all the necessary expenses and completed the adoption requirements, you could have the chance to call him your son as well.
Step 5 What If Your Application is Turned Down?
There are certain instances when your application will be turned down. Your adoption agency will explain to you why. Afterwards, you have the choice of making the necessary changes to make yourself eligible or go back to Step One and find another alternative means to adoption.
Choosing to adopt a child is just the beginning of a life changing but infinitely rewarding journey. The process of adoption may not take as much money and effort as you think, depending on the agency you’ve contacted and your preferences, but it’s definitely going to require you to wait for a good amount of time before the adoption process can be finalized.
Steps to Taking the Right Path to Adoption
If you and your partner have done enough soul searching and both of you are convinced that you are ready to adopt a child, here’s what you should do next.
Step 1 Choose Preferred Method of Adoption
There are basically three ways for adopting a child. One is to contact a public adoption agency. As this is funded by the government, you need not pay too much for the rights and means to adopt a child. Of course, this means a longer waiting period due to its affordability.
Another way for you to adopt a child is by transacting with a private adoption agency. Be prepared to pay at least $8,000 for their services and whether you’re adopting locally or from an agency based abroad. Of course, those expensive fees also guarantee a shorter waiting period.
The last way for you to adopt is by independent means. Contacts can help you find couples who are interested in surrendering their child for adoption, and if you reach an amicable agreement, you might only have to pay for legal expenses and nothing else for the chance to adopt a child.
Step 2 Creating a Profile of Your Future Adoptive Child
Whether you’re working with a public or private adoption agency, you will have to submit an application form that will help the agency determine not only your eligibility as an adoptive parent but determine which children matches your preferences as well.
Thus, now’s a good time as any to start thinking about the ideal child to adopt; you might think that you’re capable of loving just about any child as long as there’s a “connection” but you have to be practical as well.
Think of characteristics that will make a child easier for you to adopt and learn to love and care for. Age is an important factor. Adoption agencies are willing to expedite the process if you’re willing to adopt a child over seven years of age, but are you sure you have the financial, mental, emotional, and even physical capabilities of taking care of a fully grown child?
How about gender? Do you feel easier relating to a little boy or girl? What about race? Are you okay adopting a child of different race? And what about sibling groups? Are you willing to adopt siblings to preserve their bond?
Step 3 Taking Care of Requirements
Be prepared to submit documentary proof of your citizenship, occupation, income, and other qualifications, depending on the adoption procedures of your chosen agency.
In most cases, you will have to pass the pre-placement inquiry or home study. This is a test that will evaluate the atmosphere you and your family have at home. You and possibly other members of your family will participate in a succession of interviews, one of which is sure to be held at your very own home.
Be ready to submit at least three character references. These people should be willing to be interviewed regarding their relationship with you. Naturally, choose someone who knows you well, understands your motivations for adopting, and recognizes what makes you ideal as an adoptive parent.
Step 4 Practicing Patience
Depending on the standard operating procedures of your adoption agency and whatever unique conditions your situation contains, you might have to wait at least half a year before you can see the end of the rainbow and finally look forward to bringing your adopted child home. Once you’ve paid all the necessary expenses and completed the adoption requirements, you could have the chance to call him your son as well.
Step 5 What If Your Application is Turned Down?
There are certain instances when your application will be turned down. Your adoption agency will explain to you why. Afterwards, you have the choice of making the necessary changes to make yourself eligible or go back to Step One and find another alternative means to adoption.
Are you even eligible to adopt a child?
7 Ways to Make Yourself Eligible for Adopting
The choice of adopting a child is a very difficult and life-changing decision to make, but the problems don’t end there. Just because you think and feel you’re ready for adoption doesn’t mean that the adoption agencies and the birth parents of the child you’re planning to adopt will agree. If you want to adopt a child, you have to make sure you’re eligible to do so.
7 Ways to Make Yourself Eligible for Adopting
If you really want to adopt a child, you should be willing to make various adjustments to increase your eligibility as an adopting parent.
Financial Capability – While you certainly don’t have to be rich to become an adopting parent, you do have to prove to an adoption agency, the birth parents, and the courts that you have the financial means of raising a child in a fairly comfortable life. Among other things, that means giving him a roof over his head, food and clothing, and providing for his educational and social needs. Adopting a child means having an extra mouth to feed, an extra person to put to school and raise….your heart might be ready for that, but are your pockets ready as well?
Emotional Capability – Is your heart truly ready to welcome another child in your home? Sometimes, people have difficulties connecting with another child if they’re not directly related by blood. Will you be able to overlook that? If you’re going to adopt a baby, do you have the patience to wake up every night to feed him and change his diapers? Will you be able to love him just as if he was your flesh and blood child? Are you prepared to give him the caring, support, love, and guidance he needs?
Age – Many adoption agencies feel that individuals who aren't between the ages of twenty-five and forty aren't in the appropriate stage of life to raise a child. If you’re younger, you might want to wait for a few more years before you try adopting since it will ultimately benefit your future child anyway. If you are older than 40, you still have the chance to adopt a child but you’ll definitely be subjected to stricter requirements.
Time – One excellent way of manifesting your love for any person is by giving him the time he needs to spend with you. And for cases of adoption, you have to prove to everyone concerned that you are willing and able to give your adopted child the time he will need from you as a parent. If you’re a busy career-oriented individual, you might have to cut back on your work load if you’re really serious with your adoption plans.
Other agencies might actually go as far as asking you or your spouse to take a six month leave from work to ease the adjustment process for your child. Are you willing to do that?
Marriage – Many adoption agencies, whether they admit it or not, are biased towards married couples. They prefer to award adoption rights to married couples rather than individuals who are single or simply cohabiting with another person.
If you and your partner aren't married but you truly desire to adopt, you definitely need to have heart-to-heart talk and try determining whether an adoption will make you ready for the next big step for your relationship. Of course, it’s not good at all if you’re going to marry just so you can adopt. If you need a good reason for adopting, you also need a good reason for marrying.
Gender – Another bias that many adoption agencies are guilty of is their preference for straight individuals or couples. Two states – Florida and Utah – have specific restrictions against allowing lesbian or gay couples from adopting a child. If you are homosexual, you still have a chance of adopting a child in other areas but you really have to prove that you’re capable of raising a child properly in spite of your alternative lifestyle.
Race – Obviously, you can’t change your race, but you can choose the race of your adopted child. If you’re intent on adopting a child of a different race, you need to prove to concerned parties that you can raise him properly and without any racial discrimination.
Consider these factors carefully and determine what changes you should perform in order to make yourself more eligible as an adopting parent.
The choice of adopting a child is a very difficult and life-changing decision to make, but the problems don’t end there. Just because you think and feel you’re ready for adoption doesn’t mean that the adoption agencies and the birth parents of the child you’re planning to adopt will agree. If you want to adopt a child, you have to make sure you’re eligible to do so.
7 Ways to Make Yourself Eligible for Adopting
If you really want to adopt a child, you should be willing to make various adjustments to increase your eligibility as an adopting parent.
Financial Capability – While you certainly don’t have to be rich to become an adopting parent, you do have to prove to an adoption agency, the birth parents, and the courts that you have the financial means of raising a child in a fairly comfortable life. Among other things, that means giving him a roof over his head, food and clothing, and providing for his educational and social needs. Adopting a child means having an extra mouth to feed, an extra person to put to school and raise….your heart might be ready for that, but are your pockets ready as well?
Emotional Capability – Is your heart truly ready to welcome another child in your home? Sometimes, people have difficulties connecting with another child if they’re not directly related by blood. Will you be able to overlook that? If you’re going to adopt a baby, do you have the patience to wake up every night to feed him and change his diapers? Will you be able to love him just as if he was your flesh and blood child? Are you prepared to give him the caring, support, love, and guidance he needs?
Age – Many adoption agencies feel that individuals who aren't between the ages of twenty-five and forty aren't in the appropriate stage of life to raise a child. If you’re younger, you might want to wait for a few more years before you try adopting since it will ultimately benefit your future child anyway. If you are older than 40, you still have the chance to adopt a child but you’ll definitely be subjected to stricter requirements.
Time – One excellent way of manifesting your love for any person is by giving him the time he needs to spend with you. And for cases of adoption, you have to prove to everyone concerned that you are willing and able to give your adopted child the time he will need from you as a parent. If you’re a busy career-oriented individual, you might have to cut back on your work load if you’re really serious with your adoption plans.
Other agencies might actually go as far as asking you or your spouse to take a six month leave from work to ease the adjustment process for your child. Are you willing to do that?
Marriage – Many adoption agencies, whether they admit it or not, are biased towards married couples. They prefer to award adoption rights to married couples rather than individuals who are single or simply cohabiting with another person.
If you and your partner aren't married but you truly desire to adopt, you definitely need to have heart-to-heart talk and try determining whether an adoption will make you ready for the next big step for your relationship. Of course, it’s not good at all if you’re going to marry just so you can adopt. If you need a good reason for adopting, you also need a good reason for marrying.
Gender – Another bias that many adoption agencies are guilty of is their preference for straight individuals or couples. Two states – Florida and Utah – have specific restrictions against allowing lesbian or gay couples from adopting a child. If you are homosexual, you still have a chance of adopting a child in other areas but you really have to prove that you’re capable of raising a child properly in spite of your alternative lifestyle.
Race – Obviously, you can’t change your race, but you can choose the race of your adopted child. If you’re intent on adopting a child of a different race, you need to prove to concerned parties that you can raise him properly and without any racial discrimination.
Consider these factors carefully and determine what changes you should perform in order to make yourself more eligible as an adopting parent.
Why do you want to adopt?
8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child
Contrary to popular opinion, adopting isn't always the right decision to make. Certain situations can make the choice of adopting the wrong one, and if you truly care about the child you’re planning to adopt – make sure you’ve the right reasons for adopting a child.
8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child
It’s easy to identify the right reasons for adopting a child. If you and your partner have a genuine desire for raising a child with the capacity of loving him as if he was your own, then yes, of course you should go ahead with your decision. But the wrong reasons for adopting a child are something people find it harder to determine simply because they also find it hard to accept that they’re adopting for the wrong reasons.
Adoption is a Fad – Just because the likes of Angelina Jolie (who started the fad), Madonna, and even Sharon Stone are doing it doesn’t mean you have to do the same just so you can be fashionable. Regardless of the kind of lifestyle you can afford to give your adopted child, adopting him for such a shallow reason will still end up hurting and pushing him away. You’re adopting a child, not an object!
Adoption is a Safety Net for Your Marriage – Your marriage is breaking apart, and you feel that adopting a child will keep you together. Your insecurities might make you feel that way, but listen to your logic and conscience. Adopting a child to keep your marriage from breaking isn't practical because it’s not the root of your problem. Secondly, adopting a child for such reasons isn’t fair to the child since you’re using him rather than loving him the way he deserves to be.
Adoption Will Prevent You from Feeling Lonely – This is wrong. Loneliness is a state that you brought upon yourself, and adopting a child, at most, can only make it go away temporarily. And when it returns, your loneliness could have a negative effect on your adopted child.
Adoption is the Solution to Your Ticking Biological Clock – You’re in your mid-thirties and you’re still single. You’re scared that you’re going to die alone and if you postpone things much more, you might be unable to have a child at all. You want to adopt a child because you feel you can’t give birth to one naturally. While this isn’t technically wrong, are you really sure you’re ready for the rigors of parenthood? It’s not a life of bed of roses, definitely!
Adoption Will Give You a Heir – This isn’t bad as a secondary reason, but it won’t do at all as a primary reason. Seeing your adopted child as a heir and not as your son might make you treat him more like an apprentice. You could end up being too strict without meaning to, and that’s once more unfair to your adopted child.
Adoption is All about What You Want – If you are married, make sure that your partner is amenable to your plans for adoption because if he or she isn’t, that could complicate things and prevent you from giving your adopted child the life he deserves.
Adoption Allows You to Have a Beautiful Looking Child – If you adopt an older child, you’ll have an idea if he or she’s going to grow up good-looking. Looks are, however, never a good basis for adoption because your adopted child doesn’t deserve to have his value solely based on his looks. Learning the truth behind his adoption might make him feel confused about his value as a person later on.
Adoption Will Replace the Child You’ve Lost – This is very wrong because you might end up comparing your adopted child with the child you’ve lost. He might grow up lacking confidence, having lived in the shadow of your deceased child all his life. In this situation, it’s better to grieve as much you want, accept reality then adopt a child only when you have moved on completely and are ready to make a brand new start in your life.
Adoption isn't an easy process for you, but you should be aware that it’s a more difficult process for the person being adopted since he or she doesn’t yet have the necessary maturity to cope with the life he was born with. Think long and hard about your plans so that you won’t end up hurting anyone.
Contrary to popular opinion, adopting isn't always the right decision to make. Certain situations can make the choice of adopting the wrong one, and if you truly care about the child you’re planning to adopt – make sure you’ve the right reasons for adopting a child.
8 Bad Reasons for Adopting a Child
It’s easy to identify the right reasons for adopting a child. If you and your partner have a genuine desire for raising a child with the capacity of loving him as if he was your own, then yes, of course you should go ahead with your decision. But the wrong reasons for adopting a child are something people find it harder to determine simply because they also find it hard to accept that they’re adopting for the wrong reasons.
Adoption is a Fad – Just because the likes of Angelina Jolie (who started the fad), Madonna, and even Sharon Stone are doing it doesn’t mean you have to do the same just so you can be fashionable. Regardless of the kind of lifestyle you can afford to give your adopted child, adopting him for such a shallow reason will still end up hurting and pushing him away. You’re adopting a child, not an object!
Adoption is a Safety Net for Your Marriage – Your marriage is breaking apart, and you feel that adopting a child will keep you together. Your insecurities might make you feel that way, but listen to your logic and conscience. Adopting a child to keep your marriage from breaking isn't practical because it’s not the root of your problem. Secondly, adopting a child for such reasons isn’t fair to the child since you’re using him rather than loving him the way he deserves to be.
Adoption Will Prevent You from Feeling Lonely – This is wrong. Loneliness is a state that you brought upon yourself, and adopting a child, at most, can only make it go away temporarily. And when it returns, your loneliness could have a negative effect on your adopted child.
Adoption is the Solution to Your Ticking Biological Clock – You’re in your mid-thirties and you’re still single. You’re scared that you’re going to die alone and if you postpone things much more, you might be unable to have a child at all. You want to adopt a child because you feel you can’t give birth to one naturally. While this isn’t technically wrong, are you really sure you’re ready for the rigors of parenthood? It’s not a life of bed of roses, definitely!
Adoption Will Give You a Heir – This isn’t bad as a secondary reason, but it won’t do at all as a primary reason. Seeing your adopted child as a heir and not as your son might make you treat him more like an apprentice. You could end up being too strict without meaning to, and that’s once more unfair to your adopted child.
Adoption is All about What You Want – If you are married, make sure that your partner is amenable to your plans for adoption because if he or she isn’t, that could complicate things and prevent you from giving your adopted child the life he deserves.
Adoption Allows You to Have a Beautiful Looking Child – If you adopt an older child, you’ll have an idea if he or she’s going to grow up good-looking. Looks are, however, never a good basis for adoption because your adopted child doesn’t deserve to have his value solely based on his looks. Learning the truth behind his adoption might make him feel confused about his value as a person later on.
Adoption Will Replace the Child You’ve Lost – This is very wrong because you might end up comparing your adopted child with the child you’ve lost. He might grow up lacking confidence, having lived in the shadow of your deceased child all his life. In this situation, it’s better to grieve as much you want, accept reality then adopt a child only when you have moved on completely and are ready to make a brand new start in your life.
Adoption isn't an easy process for you, but you should be aware that it’s a more difficult process for the person being adopted since he or she doesn’t yet have the necessary maturity to cope with the life he was born with. Think long and hard about your plans so that you won’t end up hurting anyone.
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